By accepting that the puppeteer is a person too and then using the word “gaslighting” very liberally in his day-to-day.
Does somebody else control how you feel and act? Around this person, you are not yourself. You feel mentally weak compared to this person and you wind up doing what they want more often than not. Do you know what it feels like to be hopelessly manipulated?
This is an article that seeks to capture and describe a vision of manipulation and control called The Puppeteer Archetype.
Sharie Stines, a California-based therapist, says that a manipulative person might twist what you say and make it about them, hijack the conversation or make you feel like you’ve done something wrong when you’re not quite sure you have.
Please, reader, just read the disclaimers before making any judgements about the person who manipulates you.
- Puppeteers are people. People are complex. There is more to a person who embodies the Puppeteer than just that one archetype. In other words, they can evolve.
- The Puppeteer archetype is just one of many. Not only do many manipulative individuals fall outside of the vision that this article will try to illustrate for you, but those who reside within this vision do not often do so permanently. In other words, take this article with a grain of salt. It will not apply perfectly.
- The Puppeteer archetype seems like a natural manifestation of the nature of some people. Historically, puppeteers are born from self-defense and a form of entertaining themselves. In other words, manipulation is nothing but a game they are good at and you are not.
You Need to Know How to Get Respect
After all, most puppets are deader than a doorknob. Unfortunately, this applies to you too if you are a person who is being manipulated. You have to prove that you are alive.
This is a question of limitations, control, and probably most importantly, it is a question of respect. You have to respect yourself before anybody else will respect you. So how do you do that?
- Address micro rejections
- Use the truth as your shield
- Whatever you do, don’t take it personally
- Use the word “gaslighting liberally
1. Dealing with Micro Rejections
Did you know that the pain from social exclusion activates some of the same pathways activated by physical pain?
It’s exactly what it sound like. Micro rejections are a habit. They are a common habit. In a relationship, they can lead to abysmal feedback loops that leave love shredded.
Visually, micro-rejections are often talked about in psychology as a tech replacing human interaction phenomenon. Visualize the girlfriend who automatically checks her phone while you are talking with her. It can also be any kind of automatic shutdown that is not thought through.
These are easy to brush off individually, but if you are have a problematic relationship with somebody who doesn’t respect you, you need to be aware that these micro-rejections exist and they DO mean something.
2. Why is Telling the Truth Important
The truth is a powerful Spartan shield that you can do all kinds of cool moves with.
For starters, it keeps you and your values straight. If you are truthful with yourself and others, you will always be able to defend a past position. Admit it to yourself when you’re wrong!
If you are truthful with others, but not with yourself, you have built yourself an unwieldy lead shield that will do nothing but drag you into the mud. If you have a manipulative person in your life and you need him/her to respect you, you will need to be nimble and solid.
Telling the truth brings you
- Peace of mind
- Bigger man-ness
- Growth for you and those around you
3. Don’t Take it Personally
Oh yeah. You need to get over yourself too. Manipulative people suck, yes, but I’m sure you have problems and peccadilloes too.
Mickey Singer, author of The Untethered Mind, puts a great deal of faith in the value of not being offended. If you expand this idea, you can apply it so sooo many things.
Things we are daily offended by:
- Poor manners
- Loud personalities
- Slow computers
It’s easy to forget that a whole multiverse exists out there and our problems are a 0.000000001% of it.
4. Learn and Use the Term “Gaslighting”
Words matter guys. This particular word means: “when somebody else tries to make you out to be somebody whose thoughts have no value because you are crazy.”
It’s a very common strategy among the puppeteers of the world. You have to be careful not to use the word so so often that it loses its potency, but it will serve you well as the basis for your honest, unoffended confrontations about how he/she is micro-rejecting you and playing silly games with your heart.
Honestly, guys, respect is a very easy thing to get if you are brave and honest with yourself. You need a word-tool or two to leverage your ballsiness, sure, but why not give “gaslighting” a try? You might just reverse the puppeteer-puppet dynamic you have going on in your life.
Who are you, puppet, or puppeteer? Personally I’m actually more of a puppeteer 🤷♂️